Tomorrow Is A Long Time

If today was not an endless highway

If tonight was not a crooked trail

If tomorrow wasn’t such a long time
Then lonesome would mean nothing to you at all
Yes, and only if my own true love was waitin’
Yes, and if I could hear her heart a-softly poundin’
Only if she was lyin’ by me
Then I’d lie in my bed once again

I can’t see my reflection in the waters
I can’t speak the sounds that show no pain
I can’t hear the echo of my footsteps
Or can’t remember the sound of my own name
Yes, and only if my own true love was waitin’
Yes, and if I could hear her heart a-softly poundin’
Only if she was lyin’ by me
Then I’d lie in my bed once again

There’s beauty in the silver, singin’ river
There’s beauty in the sunrise in the sky
But none of these and nothing else can touch the beauty
That I remember in my true love’s eyes
Yes, and only if my own true love was waitin’
Yes, and if I could hear her heart a-softly poundin’
Only if she was lyin’ by me
Then I’d lie in my bed once again

-Bob Dylan

These days

These days, well these days have been quite all right. The sun has indeed been shining. The pedals have been rolling and the drinks have been flowing.

Class starts in a couple weeks and I am actually excited to take my classes. It has been nice to have time off and relax but I am excited to have more than work taking up my constructed time.

My sister visited me from SF, the last couple days and it was very, very nice to have her here. I wish I lived in SF, or at least an area more interesting than the one that I do live in. However, I am learning to see the beauty and excitement in any area. Plus, I will be here for a mere year until I am able to move a far more attractive town. I am thinking that Flagstaff, NAU, is where I am going to transfer. It is far different than what I am used to and I am excited to go to a town where hiking and camping and climbing are very abundant. It may not have the ocean but it has more than that to offer.

I am in one of those indecisive moods today. It is my day off and there are too many things that I could do, that I can't decide what I actually want to do. Hike? Book shopping? Bike to the beach? Farmers market? Too many options. To many options.

How Fast Life Does Move

So I am terrible at keeping up with blogs, and facebooks, and well anything relating to technology. Well with one follower, I guess it really isn't a big deal.

Not too much new in my world. I am really missing the outdoors these days. I want to take a couple weeks off before school and backpack around Big Sur. It is so beautiful up there. I feel really disconnected when I don't spend enough time away from all the chaos of society and in the serenity of nature. I know that I need to go to school in a mountain town. Just a cute town with lots of awesome outdoors stuff to do. I have been thinking about NAU these days and it sounds pretty appealing. Snowy winters full of snowboarding. Spring, Fall, Summer full of climbing, hiking, mountain bike riding, trail running, dirt bike riding, playing!

I sign up for my classes for Mira Costa on Monday, hopefully I will get any of the classes I wanted. I am pretty sure they are all full. Fuck budget cuts. If I get what I want I will be taking biology, spanish, english, sports nutrition, and maybe ballet.

I am pretty stoked on MMA these days. I really want to learn Muay Thai Kickboxing and boxing. I am taking a class next week to try it out!

Here are a couple photos from my life the past couple months:

Playing with a scarf my Stepmom got me in India

This is the beach right by my work

This is at an open mike night at a coffee shop in Encinitas

This is at Moon Light Beach in Encinitas

This is at the Train Station in Oceanside

This Must Be The Place

Life is what you make it.

Life is beautiful, precious, and fun.

I went to a club in Hollywood a couple days ago. RI DIC U LOUS. I thought I would have fun, but the night really did not go well. I never thought that I would like clubs, but this only reassured my beliefs. Overall weird night, pretty shitty at the club, but good to see and hang out with friends.

Yesterday I went to a couple consignment stores in the area, HOME and Flashbacks in Encinitas. I realized how beautiful San Diego is. The beach cities have a certain feel to them. I am happy to be living here and I really appreciate it. After a day of shopping and such we felt a couple shots were very necessary to relax. Had some drinks, good conversation and fun.

I want to take a trip somewhere. I want to take a trip to a new place. LETS GO!

And The Days Keep Rolling By

Its funny how slowly the weeks go by and yet the years seem to go so quickly.

I have been thinking a lot about past loves and lusts these days and they all seem so interesting when looking back. They all seem so funny and significant. Like each relationship has shaped, given and taken parts of my personality and self.

I love the summer. No class, no bullshit. Just fun.

I want to get out. Have a fucking good time. And be a wreck less kid with nothing to lose.

"Better to burn out, than to fade away" - Neil Young

PHOTO BY: Paul Van Hoy

Waking Up Isn't Always Easy

I have been thinking a lot about family and such these days. It is interesting to me how father and mother figures are portrayed so often in film/media. People often blame media for women's high expectations of men, ie, Prince Charming. However, I think that we have media to blame for false images of what families should be like more so. Helpful, supportive and wise parents. Supportive and kind, older siblings. I realize now that all of these are sadly inaccurate (well in most cases).

I think that you have to be dependent upon yourself and not rely on help from your family. I keep getting tricked into looking to them for advice when the only one I should and can really look towards is myself. We are simply too different.

And while this realization might seem depressing, it is actually very refreshing and helpful. I am more qualified to help myself than anyone else. I don't feel as trapped. I have control of my own happiness and while there are some things that I really can't control right now, I shall make the best of it.

Yesterday I tried to go to some reggae show in PB,

however it was sold out. Ended up talking to some random stranger in a coffee shop for about an hour. She is a teacher at a local middle school, an art teacher. I got a lot of insight to what it must have been like for all of my teachers growing up and I have a new earned respect for teachers, well more respect.

Thank god I am no longer in a world of tattle telling and 7th grade boys.

I think next semester I shall be taking Kinesiology, Yoga, Pilates, Bilogy, cardio training, Nutrition and Spanish. And maybe a sewing and design class. It just depends on what classes are available once I sign up.

This photo was taken at the coffee shop were

I talked to the insightful teacher.

All I Need

Tired. Worked today. Tomorrow off, should be nice to sleep in.

I have been thinking a lot about Alaska. I don't need college right now. Nature can be my teacher. Plenty of books to read while out there also.

Climbing, hiking, backpacking, traveling, exploring, living.

These days I feel as though I am dying, not living. I am not taking full advantage of my soul, of my body and mind. I am trapped inside of a box, one like all the others on my block, and I need to get out. Get away and resuscitate what is left of my soul. It has been a long time since something excited me, since I woke up in the morning excited for the day. It used to happen so often as a child, but now I can barely remember how it felt to have trouble containing my excitement. I have learned now that most things just let you down- save yourself the trouble and don't even feel the joy.

I guess it doesn't help that I work at an outdoor store. All I can think about is getting away, escaping into the mountains and leaving this box.

I want to leave and if I had the resources or knowledge I would leave now. But I guess I need a plan. A goal.

All I need is a really good idea.